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Posted By Udokabestluv On October 22nd, 2023

The JAPA syndrome is like an epidemic and it is very contagious. Over the years, I have seen people who don’t need to relocate do it. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Even when it is, the species of grass might choke or purge you if you feed on it. The UK and Canada are facing similar challenges. They have been stretched thin by a high migration rate.

Below is a list of people who don’t need to JAPA even if it is for free:

(1) Big earners (N2 million and above):

If your monthly salary is in the range of N2 million and above, it might be in your best interest to stay back in Nigeria, except if you are coming with an employment letter with commensurate pay with your local earnings. As of today, the blue-collar jobs that constitute the saving grace of migrants have become scarce. The white collar jobs have also become harder to get due to the high influx of people to the UK.

(2) Corrupt politicians:

If you are a serious contender and not a pretender in politics in Nigeria, you have no business in the UK. You can travel there for tourism purposes anyway. We all know politics in Nigeria is the most lucrative business around. Despite the cash crunch, the members of the House of Representatives still took delivery of 360 brand new exotic cars costing between N160 – N200 million purportedly. Only an established footballer or a mega music star can live like that in the UK. For a footballer, you have to be constantly banging week in and week out like Erling Haaland of Manchester City.

(3) Popular pastors:

If you have a growing religious ministry as a pastor and your position is putting quality meals on your table either directly or indirectly, you should stay back in Nigeria. Culturally, people in the UK don’t give. In fact, it is like a taboo to give out money without a concrete reason. They are largely irreligious and no scripture in the Bible can convince them to do so.

(4) Yahoo Boys:

If you are part of the Easy Money Gang, the UK isn’t for you. You are advised to remain in Nigeria where you can play ‘catch and release’ with highly corrupt law enforcement agents. The UK is arguably the most surveilled country in the world. It is a place where action and consequences strictly go hand in hand. If you get caught doing internet fraud, you will head to jail faster than you made it into the country.

(5) Music Artistes:

If you are making reasonable money from the entertainment industry as a musician, Nigeria is the right place for you. Inasmuch as relocating to the UK might give your public profile a boost, your account balance might compete with a mustard seed in terms of size. If music was easy here, Naira Marley would have remained in Peckham, London where has was a kingpin.

(6) Business Owners:

If you are an employer of labour and you have a decent staff strength, you don’t need the UK to better your life. All you need is patience and concerted efforts to expand your network. Your business might grow and become a force to be reckoned with in the league of businesses in Nigeria. On the contrary, if you are struggling to pay a monthly salary of N20,000 or N30,000, people leave Nigeria immediately and stop being a part of the Nigerian problem.

(7) Runs Girls:

If you clandestinely work in the informal ‘hospitability and pleasure industry’, and the job has earned you a car that is uploadable on social media, continue the ‘good work’. There is a saying that ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’. Making money with the honeypot is extremely difficult in the UK. Men would rather stay faithful to their wives than pay a nominal leg to a lady for just some minutes or pleasure. You will also face competition from other women who passionately give it out for free. You might have to wait for ages for a footballer to come your way before you can experience the Indian Summer.

(8) Age range: 50 and above:

In my honest opinion, I think relocation suits the youth more compared to the elderly. As an older person, you can only be shielded from economic uncertainties if an unscrupulous politician hides billions of Naira in your bank accounts. If you are in your 50s, life in the UK could frustrate you except you get an executive job. Working your way up as a student, family man, and part-time carer or warehouse staff will be overwhelming for you. I will not be shocked if you wake up one day and decide to run into a moving train or jump out of the window of a high-rise building in a bid to end it all.

(9) Father Abraham:

If you are the father of all nations like Abraham in the Bible, I mean you have many children – the UK might be the wrong destination for you. This is not unconnected to the fact that you would require domestic and family support in catering for them. For domestic support, it is not easily affordable. For family support, it is hard because everyone is busy. A colleague of mine has massive grey hair at such a sound age. I found this very mind-boggling. He recently confided in me that he came to the UK with six biological children of his. Trust me, those hairs will soon start to fall off.

(10) Civil Service Director/Bank Manager:

I will explain this on a personal note. I have met some former Nigerian bank managers hustling in the UK. Their reasons for relocating have never convinced me enough. Most say they did it for the future of their kids, others say it was due to the level of insecurity in Nigeria. In my view, leaving for the UK as a top management staff in the private or public sectors isn’t worth it. Your mental health would suffer significantly due to adaptability issues.

On a closing note, before you Japa, get your facts right. Don’t do it because people are doing it. What nourishes Emeka’s body might incapacitate his brother, Nnamdi. Don’t join the long list of attention-seeking Nigerians who hastily relocate and later open the Book of Lamentations on YouTube, just to vent their frustration.