Confessions Of A Retired Gigolo: That Bloody Condom!!! A New Series

”you can’t be my dad”….”mum, tell this man to get out of our house”…”well, you wanted me aborted, good she didn’t”

The Meeting

….that’s my three-year-old son yelling at me when I first saw him. Let me take you back four years before this incident, I met shontell in one of my trips to London, I was supposed to go meet my girlfriend in London(which I did actually) but she barely had time for me as she was rounding off high school (what?!…I was quite young too, so no thoughts of child abuse ok?).

I met shontell on a bus 12(my London peeps should be quite familiar with this very one),I was eyeing her all the way and quite luckily she was going my way but got off a bus/stop before mine and I followed suit in a blizzard November cold, and as I walked up to her with fears she might raise an alarm about me stalking her but surprisingly she said “thot I lost you there handsome”(was dumbfounded, then again its London)

Shontell was (as at that time) 22 years old, a couple of years older than I was, worked at the Primark store in Peckham and of a Nigerian-Jamaican decent and lived in a single room along the Peckham rye and also an arsenal fan. That first day, she actually did walk me home instead of going to hers and we saw each other more often after that, always went to Peckham to wait for her and every day after work, she would take time to show me round London until that very day she asked me to come see her new apartment in Camberwell (her parents stay outside London, I found out later that she ran away from home and quit college).

The house was very lovely and her bedroom looked movie-like and while still looking around she gave me a wet, warm kiss and asked me to stay the night, I had to refuse her offer because my mum would be worried(unluckily for me she flew in two days before….left to my aunt, she’d understand) and she just walked me home as usual, we kissed again at the stairs leading to my aunt’s flat. Throughout the night I couldn’t get her off my head and I knew it was just a matter of time

The Meating

This very day, she called me and said she just called in sick and was down with a flu, I rushed down to her place after seeing off my girlfriend to school (slept over at her house) and on getting in she was stark naked and it looked like she had greases her oversized bum and the tattoo on her lower back glowing, she looked like she just step out of an FHM magazine. I asked her what this was all about, she told me to be prepared for the best sex I’d ever have(better still, ever had). she had everything prepared; chocolate, lube, beers except for one thing “THAT BLOODY CONDOM”.

What the hell? (I told myself, little did I know it’s going to fetch me an unplanned handsome boy). she blew my mind (not forgetting my dick too), we did it on the bed, in the bathtub, stairs, balcony and just I thought I had enough, seeing her bum strolling right in front of me I couldn’t hold back and I rammed her from behind and I was about to withdraw just before I came, she begged(literally)me to cum inside of her, hoping she might be on pills, I did make the greatest mistake of my life(life so far!)

After that moment, she started speaking strangely, telling me thank you (but babe, I just fucked you…I should thank you) telling me I have good genes and how she wanted to have my baby…..STOP THERE!!! Did I just hear you say BABY??? Just a month ago, I just ended my teenage years and what? I’m going to be a daddy soon? She calmed me down, assuring me all is well (well players, if a girl tells you that….well SCRAM!!!)We did it twice more after then before returning back to Nigeria. No wonder she opted for my Nigerian phone number and almost a year later, someone called me with a tear-stained voice and says “he’s beautiful, you did it! You made me a son, thank you very much….I’m still on hi5 you know?!”

The Shitting

I went cold (felt like fainting), I told my mum and she laughed thinking it was one of my jokes, it took a lot of convincing to make her believe my story(not the detail of course!) and I had a fight with shontell(she was vexed, but dint care if I was around to father my child, she just wanted a baby) and just last august she sent me ticket money to come see my almost four-year-old son, I bought a two-week return ticket and on getting there, she picked me up from Heathrow and drove to her (again!)new apartment and here comes a carbon copied boy (more like scanned, photoshopped and printed copy of me) that looked exactly like me.

With this silk hair packed in a ponytail (a boy on ponytail?…best thing ever) and the boy yelled out” you can’t be my dad”….”mum, tell this man to get out of our house”…” well, you wanted me aborted, good she didn’t”…what?! Did you teach him that?….then they both laughed, it was supposed to a joke, she asked him to come hug me, I knelt down and picked my boy and tears from nowhere started to fall.

She told me she had named him Kennedy, that even made it more touching but told me I can have my life and marry whoever I wanted, provided I call and come to see my son from time to time and begged me for another one…”NO..Not this time” but we still had sex and this time I was strapped…and to answer the question of guys asking how that place (you know where now?!)is like after birth…feels the same!!! (Probably even better)

Do you like older women/ladies/guys/men? Why? Drop your comments

NOTE: no matter how tempting, the time, date, people and places depicted in this memoir are fictitious (or just might not be!)…not like you guys care right? But just maybe a shontell exists and I have a son already…..you might never know!!!

Do you have any compelling stories? Send them to tharev@naijaloaded.com

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